The short answer: no.

The long answer: The original attachment research studied how infants related to their mothers. From that research sprang Attachment Theory, as it is classically defined. With any theory it goes through interpretations and reinterpretations. We like to think of those interpretations as modern and post modern.

The modern interpretation looks at attachment as it relates to romantic figures and assumes that we only have one of those figures. If you've ever read "Attached", you're probably familiar with this interpretation. It's a great place to start if you've never heard of attachment styles before. AND, it's not the stopping point.

The post-modern interpretation looks at Attachment as an interaction between our need to seek closeness/space, the anxiety we experience, and whether this discomfort is internalized or externalized. It also explores our who our attachment figures in adulthood- are not only romantic partners, but anyone we share a close connection with. That means really close friends, family members beyond our nuclear family, and yes romantic connections.

We think of Attachment as what comes up when you are getting close to someone. Does your flight instinct get triggered when you experience closeness? When your friend doesn't text you back in an hour, do you spiral? Is it hard for you to trust people?

Attachment can also shift in presentation or style all together depending on who you are in relationship with! Attachment is not prescriptive, meaning "this is how you'll always show up in relationships no matter how hard you try". Attachment is descriptive, meaning "this is an observation of how you are showing up right now."

Great question. Boundaries are very hard for most of us. It's way easier to fall into one extreme or the other in terms of boundary setting. Resilient boundaries require us to have very strong self awareness that is coupled with situational awareness and empathy for the other person.

How many people do you know that flawlessly execute all three?

I'll wait.

Boundaries show us and others what we are willing to tolerate, where one person ends and the other begins, what feels safe to each person in the relationship. Because of the way boundaries have been modeled for us in the past, we may not even know what health boundaries look like.

Creating strong and healthy boundaries often requires a lot of uncomfortable conversations. Hard conversations are HARD! And, when we've made the boundary, we then have to consistently reinforce it. Even HARDER!